portland discordians! (and others of much ilk)

This Saturday is the International Day of Discord, not that the world needs much help lately. What it amounts to is discordians leaving the house and meeting each other. Crazy, huh?

The Portland version is a potluck barbecue in the park, hosted by JohnnyBrainwash and Telarus, KSC.

PDX Day of Discord
Saturday, August 23, 2008
1PM
Laurelhurst Park
Potluck barbecue-
bring something to share

Check the site for more details.

Reply email johnnybrainwash at hotmail if you're going to come or have any questions.

Remember, sticking apart is more fun when we do it together.
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This event will also host a brainstorming session/OM brainstorming for St. Mae's "Beautify Our Town" project.

Be there, or come up with your own damn crazy correspondence.

Today* is Zaraday, the Holyday of the Apostle Zarathud (sometimes known as Zarathud the Staunch), the Patron Saint of Bureaucracy, and the 5th Day (Prickle-Prickle) of the Season of Bureaucracy (the fourth season in the Discordian Year) in this, the YOLD 3174.

A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger (after his enlightenment, that is). Dubbed "Offender of The Faith". Discovered the Five Commandments (The Pentabarf).

The Five Commandments (The Pentabarf)
The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down.

Know Ye This O Man of Faith!

1. There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.
   
2. A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.
   
3. A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).
   
4. A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
   
5. A Discordian is Prohibited from Believing What they read.

IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.

He has the most important post in Discordianism. He is the Offender of the Faith. He is the worm in the golden apple. He is the Crier of Bullshit. He talks about order so much because somebody has to, and those other apostles were more interested in getting stoned and chasing chicks. He used to be a Greyface until his enlightenment.

= ZARATHUD'S ENLIGHTENMENT =

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers.

One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.

"Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile. What is your Purpose in Life, anyway?"

Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "无".*

Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily because nobody could understand Chinese.

* "MU" is the the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING

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http://discordia.org.uk/zarathud.html
http://jubal.westnet.com/hyperdiscordia/pentabarf.html
http://singlenesia.com/news/2006/08/12/still-incorrigible/#more-158
http://jubal.westnet.com/hyperdiscordia/zarathud_enlightenment.html

Today* is Confueye, the Eye Day of Confusion, the 73rd and Last Day (Prickle-Prickle) of the Season of Confusion (the third season in the Discordian Year) in this, the YOLD 3174. The next season is Bureaucracy (Zaraday in 5 days!).

Eye Day is celebrated by playing Discordian Games, meditating on the Season just passed, getting ripped off your tits, and making Terrible Mistakes in nightclubs. Make sure you carry at least 5 inches of strong, weight-bearing cord, a packet of chewing gum, a spare pair of undergarments, 144 condoms, the phone number of the local branch of the Scientologists, a small sheet of bubblewrap, and a poem by Emily Dickinson with you at all times.

Beware, also, the Dreaded Illuminati on Eye Days. Our ancient foes stole Eye Day from us as a time to commit particularly heinous and bloodthirsty acts upon any Discordian they could capture. Make sure your membership paperwork in the AISB is up-to-date and be ready to produce it on demand.

In addition, to ensure the readiness of fellow Discordians, pretend to be an inspection agent with the AISB and make surprise checks on their membership paperwork. Many Discordians are lax on this front -- feel free to reinforce this lesson using all the Großmütterlich Gefalligkeit at your disposal. Do not hold back--they may be in pain today, but they'll thank you tomorrow.

Praise on this EyeDay to you all. May you pass under Her radar. All Hail Discordian Kallisti Icecream!

You are slumbering blissfully, dreaming of things that were, things that are, things that will be, and things that never will be. Your fantasy slides gently from the normal into the unbelievable, then pirouetting back into normality as dreams are wont to do.

A perfectly boring fourth-grade math lesson is disrupted by your teacher's transformation into a clown, who proceeds to blast the classroom full of marshmallows with his rainbow-colored rifle. Your friend Danny gobbles up the candy with uncanny speed, then finally swallows the clown. Danny explodes in a puff of pink smoke, and through the wisps you see your teacher once again.

After class you find yourself flying with your friend Danny, soaring through the sky on leathery wings, on your way towards Dinzyworld... What a summer it will be! You make a broad loop through a cloud, singing with joy, when suddenly...


BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


You are woken up by the buzzing of an alarm clock. You open your eyes and blink in the morning light streaming in from your window, the dreamy haze quickly dissipating into oblivion. You're still very tired...

• To hit the snooze button, go to Page 2... "Just another ten minutes, mom...."
  
• To get up and jump out of bed, go to Page 3... "Let's get this day started RIGHT!"
  

Today* is John Dillinger Day, a Discordian Affiliate Holyday.

The John Dillinger Died For You Society, run by a pseudonymous "Dr. Horace Naismith" (allegedly a Playboy editor by day and a maniac only by night), accepts as its savior John Dillinger, the gunman who robbed 23 banks and three police stations before he was shot dead by FBI agents in 1934 (YOLD 3100--ED). JDDFYS members place memorial wreaths and floral bouquets at the Biograph Theater, where Dillinger was gunned down, every year on the anniversary of his death, July 22 (The 57th Day--Pungenday--of the Season of Confusion--the third season in the Discordian Year--ED). Their major spiritual teaching comes from Mr. Dillinger, whom they call St. John the Martyr, and consists of the words, "Lie down on the floor and keep calm," (St. John said this often to nervous and agitated bank officials before looting their tills). Every member ordained by Dr. Naismith gets a membership card making him or her an Assistant Treasurer, entitled to collect tithes from any new disciple naive enough to remain a disciple and not become an Assistant Treasurer, too, by writing to Dr. Naismith for a card.
--RAW, Religion for the Hell of It

Resources:

• The John Dillinger Died For You Society Homepage and Archives
• The Official John Dillinger Died For You Society Songbook
• and the John Dillinger Died For You 74th anniversary gathering... TONIGHT!

(ED: Please note that DrJon does not endorse making judgements of distrust solely on the basis of gender or fire rate. Thank you.)