The 23 Apples of Eris

The Good Reverend feels that he has been more than generous, allowing people to use his internets the way he does…but it seems that some people have been abusing the privilege.

I’m not just talking about hate groups, like Stormfront or The 700 Club. No, The Good Rev has no problem with hate…though the sites above have a very weak hate. A mediocre hate. A puny, narrow hate which pales beside that hate which The Good Reverend feels for you, each and every day.

No, I’m talking about spammers. Now, we’ve ALL received nice letters from people who want to make us rich and increase our penis size…these are annoyances which The Good Rev puts up with, out of sheer inertia. Now, however, the Jesus Freaks have gotten into the act. The Good Rev turned his comp on this evening, and found 12 emails asking if “I have found Jesus”. Naturally, I replied…”No. Was he in that balloon, too?”

After all, all I need after a long day of bending thumbs and issuing threats of grave bodily harm is to hear some fuckwit extolling the virtues of the WIMP Jesus. The “please nail me to a cross Jesus”…as opposed to the three-fisted drinkin’ Jesus…the put his cigar out on your back Jesus…in short, the GODDAMNED MISTER SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON SONOFABITCHINING FIGHTING JESUS.

But, after all, even making fun of Christians and balloon boys pales after about 8 replies…and so I decided to make a stronger statement…so I sent the remaining 4 spammers bad packets. Let’s see if Jesus will heal their computers for them.

Now, none of this should be necessary…you should have been playing nicer on this wonderful toy I gave you. But you couldn’t, could you, Mister Jesus Loves You…Mrs Secular Keep Dobbs Out Of The Classroom…Mister Add 3 Feet To Your Penis…No, and now the fun stops. The gravy train has officially come to a halt.

So, people…grab your shit, and get the hell off of my internets.

Or kill me.

The Good Reverend has decided to shut down the internets, and retire on the millions he’s going to make helping some Nigerian guy. Suckers.

Note: The Good Reverend’s work is not kopyleft, but may be reproduced unaltered and attributed, unless there’s money involved, in which case either I get my cut, or the Antignano brothers will be paying you a visit. Capisce?