(Reposted with permission)
Everything your AM radio heroes has told you is true. We don’t share your values, we don’t believe – even way deep down inside – in the things you believe in. We have no concern for the fat joke you call “America”, except as a toy to smash and burn and throw down the stairs. We don’t mind telling you this, because we wrote all the articles on Wikipedia, etc, that define us, and even if you showed this to anyone, they’d believe it was just one joker.
But it isn’t, of course. There are thousands of us, and we blend in perfectly. We look like housewives and blue collar workers and cops. We look like students and soldiers and once in a great while, we look like the liberal boogie man you have invented for the purpose of having an enemy…Silly, of course, because you DO have an enemy. An enemy that won’t rest until all is wrecked and cast aside, leaving only blessed silence and the darkness of an endless night, a dark age that will last longer than the last two our predecessors caused. You can’t catch us, because very few of us know each other. You can’t watch out for us, because we’re probably the guy helping you look.
You can’t really report us, because odds are one of us will be processing the report.
Really, now. Do you think this much debt, hardship, and chaos could happen by accident? Silly monkey.
From the Office of the Spaglord, Main Way Monastery and Waffle House
The Discordian Society, a group of progressive socialist commie pinkos, has declared war on the Tea Party. Enough is enough — it’s time to get up from our keyboards and actually do something.
Missions have been sent to 3000+ Operation Mindfuck operatives.
What’s a Sigil?
Sigils are magic spells encoded into MS Paint. At the height of orgasm, or when you’re all tweaked out on meth, your brain is particularly open to suggestion. (that’s why you keep calling those 900 numbers in the back of the magazine) So if you stare at the sigil while you fap or watch late night aerobics videos, the message encoded into the sigil will enter your brain and start micromanaging your nervous-system-homonculous like a playground bully, and suddenly you will be like CAPTAIN PLANET and not a pasty-ass namby-pamby spag who’s all like ehhh ehhhh stop twisting my arm Cramulus ehhh I deserve a turn at the water fountain too. That’s scientifically proven: If you masturbate just right, you will unleash the power of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Then you’ll smoke a cigarette and say to yourself “I just fucked the universe.”
I’ll get us started!
Effect: this sigil will make you think that cartoon characters from the 1980s are real, and they might be, you know, a romantic option.
Effect: If you fap to this sigil, you will ejaculate tiny Beatles. They will perform music for you until they dry, at which point you’ll have to do laundry.
Effect: This one will make you talk like Arnold Schwarzenegger for 11 minutes.
edit: 19 minutes! new record!
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