from person to person
“I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
“So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said ‘Call 911!’ but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an email entitled Join the crew!
“He knew it wasn’t a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the next Internet Cleanup Day rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates (It’s true–I read it all last week in a mass email from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld Vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the email to everyone I know).
“The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidney, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said ‘Welcome to the world of AIDS.’
“Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital — the very one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an email and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every email he receives. I sent him two emails and one of them was a bunch of X’s and O’s in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck but ten people only will give you OK luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have bad luck FOR SEVEN YEARS!)
“Now the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights and was chased by a group of gun-toting teenagers as part of a gang initiation.
“He finally got away, but became lost. As he was driving looking for the hospital… any hospital… he was suddenly struck by a heart attack. Being ‘in the know’, he coughed repeatedly and very vigorously and was soon okay. Unfortunately, he had lost track of what he was doing and crashed into the side of a mall just as terrorists blew it up. Did I mention it was Halloween?
“So anyway, at his funeral, I heard about this thing called Discordia that is going around ‘MindFucking’ people, but I don’t believe it. It sounds like a hoax to me.”