Mornington Crescent

Most of the following information about Mornington Crescent was discovered and carefully extracted from the Flat Earth Society archives by Prince Mu-Chao and according to legend, he pretty much ripped this off and called it Cook-Note Fiberglass. Anything in italics are comments by Mu-Chao. Everything else is exactly how he found it.

As near as I can tell, Mornington Crescent was introduced to the world on a BBC Radio 4 program called, “I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue”.

Andrew Bulhak said: “Mornington Crescent is a complex strategy game played on a map of the London Underground, British Rail stations, bus routes, etc. There are no rules but those which one chooses to invent as one goes along; everybody, however, pretends that the rules have been long established. There are types of moves known as straddles and shunts, but it is _really_ hard to explain how they work. The goal is to get to the Underground station Mornington Crescent.”

HOWEVER, the game they played had (almost) nothing to do with the London Underground since they were using “Discordian rules, using the Fenderson convention for idea-space-Underground mapping.”

After many messages from silly Americans begging for the rules of the game, David Fischer responds thusly:

a. Several players take turns making moves.
b. The object is to win.
c. You are not allowed to cheat.

and described the game as “the board-game analogue of Calvinball”.

As you will see, the nature of the game we are discussing made it inevitable that almost immediately, two of these rules were amended to:

a: “Well, not always “turns” per se; there are rules which allow the sequence of play to be amended on the fly; we generally play by the relaxed turn rules.”

c: “Except if you apply one of the exception rules (I won't even go into the meta-exception rules because I'm not sure that I understand them completely.)”

To add to the confusion (after somebody claimed there was an $800, 13 volume rulebook available), Andrew Bulhak posted the following:

Since people have been asking about the rules of Mornington Crescent, I have posted to the list a description of the three fundamental principles of MC: aporia, intension and ellipsis. Granted, it's only the basics, but it may be of help. The important thing is to master the principles.

The first principle is aporia.
The second principle is intension.
The third principle is ellipsis.

These are the three important principles.

The first principle you should master is aporia.

Aporia is very important. The principle of aporia states simply that your move should aim to increase the proportion of the game which has been played.

Intension is almost as important. Your move must have content. It must have meaning or import which is a consequence of the context in which it was made. It must be *YOUR* move.

Ellipsis is much harder. The principle of ellipsis says that your move must have an indirect significance. It must not be wholly and immediately understood by the other players.

Only once you have understood these principles should you start learning the rules.

Okay, I think that by now you should have a general idea of what is going on here.

In case you still don't get the game, we here at the 23 Apples of Eris painstakingly laughed, copied and pasted our way through several of the games that were played on the Flat Earth list and have reproduced them as completely as possible below.

Game 00001

Given that it is Eye Day (the 73rd of the season, this season being Bureaucracy), and that it is a time-honored tradition to start a game of Mornington Crescent on Eye Day (at least here at site 115), I thought that I may as well start one on the flat-earth list.

We shall play by the standard Discordian rules, but with no reverse straddling on the Circle line before the fifth turn. This is an open game, so everybody is welcome to join and may join in at any stage.

Since I called this game, I shall make the first move:

lhos: Acton Town

The next few moves were pretty straight forward…

chris: Sudbury Hill
White: Earl's Court.
chris: Hornchurch

… and then a master stroke:

dave: In reference to Christopher Samuel's move of Thu, 20 Oct 1994:

|            ##                 |
|            ##                 |
|            ####               |
|            ####               |
|            ##                 |
|            ##                 |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|                               |
|  lhos:	Acton Town      |
| chris:	Sudbury Hill    |
| White:	Earl's Court.   |
| chris:	Hornchurch       |

Unfazed by this, the other players continued:

drake: Wugga Wugga (#34: pants, not wearing any)
chris: elephant to queens crawling-thing 5, and I'll raise you a pineapple.
lhos: Shepherd's Bush (exploiting quantum uncertainty)
chris: East Acton (“winds light to variable, earthquakes in East Acton”)
drake: Douglas
tilt: R.
drake: Hofstadter
dave: Adams & Dennett
chris: A pint of “Olde Rucksacke” please.
lhos: Burma
drake: Reverse double-elbow caress to gate 5
dave: Whole wheat on rye.
kristen: Purple Glitter Silly Putty(tm)
lhos: Patagonian Death Gerbils. (can skeletonize a cow in 30 seconds)
GtHS: One rather annoyed Rottweiller on a leash that's been baited with a McDonalds ersatz Teriaki Burger.
chris: a hyper-pentagon
tilt: a maze of twisty little sentences, all unlike.
drake: Make mine a double, all hats open
dave: I don't understand the leash law for Yams.
lhos: Is false when preceded by itself.
dave: You can draw on wax paper with the heat from an open flame.
acb: Marlinspike
GtHS: Circular Quay (the one on Kurik, not the one at Sydney)
Meph: The stench of rotting corpses doth bestrade my jaded nostrils.
Tilt: Punting. Discard your regular deck, and collect seven new stations from New York.
lhos: ich bin ein Jelly-Doughnut
GtHS: Found a K'zonk. Traded it for a yellow tetris piece. Not satisfied.
Wk'TA: Nine Inch Nails, except one, which is broken. 🙁
chia: On Earth there is no reckoning. TEST TO DESTRUCTION.
Meph: To feel the sea is to be the sea.
chris: The batsman is Holding, the bowlers Willey
tilt: inversion. double-fanucci standard tournament rules.
drake: Hibbler's portholes
white: the poets are alight, they never danced so well before.

When Suddenly:


....                       ..::..
......                    ...:#..
......#                   ...X#:..
......X.                  ...:XX..
....::X..                 ....:X:.
....:X#...               ..X:::X#..
....:X#:...              ..:XXX#XXX:
....:X#:....            ....:###:.:X.
:::::X#:.....           .....X#::....
:::::###......         ......X#::...
:::::X#:.......        .....::XX....
:::::XX::.......      ......#X##:..
::X#X##::........    .......:##XX:.

dave: (*Don't* try to tell me you weren't expecting the AsciiBrot Inversion Defense Move!)

It was too much for some people…

chris: OK – you win, I can't beat that!!! 🙂

…but others rallied!

lhos: the droning of the engine is existence
lhos: Schrodinger's cat (dead or alive?)
ebeth: dead
ebeth: alive
chia: Mornington Crescent. (probabilistically)

This end-move was blithely ignored as too improbable.

white: the universe is like a grapefruit. It's yellow, and round, and some people like to have half of one for breakfast.
lhos: stay alive and stay the same, it's a stupid game, stupid game…
Meph: Eternity
dave: This is my move.
tilt: this is not my move.
Meph: The blood is life.
kristin: I am not kristin
Wk'TA: I do not have several tons of mucus clogging my sinuses and rendering me incapable of lifting my head.
dave: You will be assimilated.
drake: Jesus — Messiah or vampire? You be the judge….
tilt: I am kristin.
lhos: The Amiga speech synthesizer pronounces ALL the standard metasyntactic variables correctly, including “quux”.
lhos: Nesslessness.
ebeth: I am kristin's move (on drugs)
GtHS: I am drunk (Melbourne Cup day you see…)
Meph: I think therefore I am what I am.
lhos: You cannot cut roses with non-sequiturs.
lhos: New: War On Rugs, the latest strategy game for the whole family.
dave: Look, a penny!
Meph: Cast thy bread upon the waters, and yea shall receive them back a thousand fold, and soggy!
lhos: What is that stuff that doth jiggle in the breeze?
white: “I have the advantage of knowing your habits, dear Watson,” said he.
Wk'TA: Beable.
dave: Last person out, turn off the cat!
Wk'TA: The bulimacs in polyester slacks; it's action/reaction/random interaction.
dave: Boston.
Wk'TA: No, Rush.
drake: Disco Tex and his Sex-o-lettes
chia: Buck Satan and the Six-Six-Six Shooters
Meph: Ode: To A Lump Of Small Green Putty, Which I Perchanced Upon, Underneath My Arm Pit On Mid-Summers Morn.
Louise: What's so romantic about running around Spain in a poofy shirt trying to get laid?
lhos: You can curry favour, but you can also curry functions.
white: We all live in a house. A house. A house.
Snorri: Twelve dollars, Catholic.
Meph: If I were a rich man….ya da daba daba daba daba daba dede da.
ObDiscordia: Where does Jerry Falwell come into all this?
lhos: #define sw(a,b) a=(b=(a=a^b)^b)^a

At this point, everybody started talking about the earth being flat and stopped playing. Obviously, white won this game according to Reeves' 6th Corollary w/r/t Triplet forms w/o shunt.

Game 00002

The following was a game played on Flat-Earth List Server in Celebration of the Passing of the Communications Decency Act.

acb: Goddess's pretty panties
lkr: Appollo's Lute of Love
pdd: Tom Swift and his Hopelessly Entangled Vas Deferens
XXX: Sexual equality for Wombats (squeak squeak)
bh: Orgasmic opportunities for all
XXX: Even giraffes get some.
pdd: Tom Swift and his Coin-op Submarine
kkb: Ulysses!
nfb2: Anatomically-Correct Department Store Nativity Scene
bh: False phallus
pdd: Phallus amorethought
nnd: The time-energy relationship was a sordid love affair and space found out!
XXX: The theory of moral relativity.
pdd: Maelstrombudsmanifold
lkr: Fiegenbaum's Constant Tumescence
mjg: tumors in crypts
bh: Tits!
pdd: God's naughty bits!
nnd: Er, you know…thingy!
mjg: earls to the pine
XXX: Count 'em, there's two.
pdd: Triple-outdent, modulo profundo
emb: Now with ultra-high octane vectored insertion!!
nnd: You don't have to be Fellini to figure that out.
sra: eleven inches of epistemology
pdd: Hydraulics are for sissies.
pdd: Bullets don't call me names
bh: Digit up the anal orifice
acb: Quecks
pdd: Party of the first part 'til you puke

This game sunk into oblivion quickly, because the players were obviously not trying very hard.

Game 00003

By far the best example I found, this game was declared when Timothy Leary died.
The game began and quickly diverged…

               acb: Chapel Perilous
               CX: James Earl Jones
                      /          \\
                   /                \\
                /                      \\

drb: Sara MacTheknife           pod: Lusk-Dobson Fluming Irons... 
CX: The "Chorale" Symphony        Meretricious Every Time!

…and just as quickly remerged.

           |                                    |

acb: You TOO can lick lycanthropy. 

CX: Stick a fork in me, Katie, I'm done (hoohee!)

giles: okay – can somebody give me a hint as to what's going on? rules of the game, pointers to info pages, blatant disinformation?

We assume that last one was just an exceptionally crafty move…

dave: Spelling “supercalifragalisticexpealidocious” in zero gravity.

After seeing giles' move, acb knew he was in trouble so:

acb: Oh dear. We seem to have a textbook de Selby's Conundrum here. I guess the only way out is to invert plenumary time, reversing the order of moves, as follows:
– dave: Spelling “supercalifragalisticexpealidocious” in zero gravity.
– gibo: okay – can somebody give me a hint as to what's going on? rules of the game, pointers to info pages, blatant disinformation?
– pod: Lusk-Dobson Fluming Irons… Meretricious Every Time!
– CX: James Earl Jones
– acb: Chapel Perilous
Of course, this enters Chapel Perilous, so the next move must have the Wand of Intuition, the Pentacle of Valour, the Cup of Sympathy, the Sword of Reason and the Octopus of Insanity.

arken: the Wand of Intuition, the Pentacle of Valour, the Cup of Sympathy, fnord, the Sword of Reason and the Octopus of Insanity.

acb: that old U2 video with the circus and the funeral.

MFB: That scene in Yellow Submarine, when they're playing “Only a Northern Song”, and the Beatles are orbiting a flashing red and green cube on a black and white striped background, and the weird purple monster gets in by mistake, yeah, you know, that one.

pod: The Caverns of Insanity!

dave: A barely perceptible tingling of the scalp.


bonni: tautology

newob: Oompa-Doompa Loompaty-do! (Or was that “Oompa-Loompa Doompety-do”?)

acb: Automatically assuming transcendental entities to be abstract may result in causal failure and undefined results.

pod: “Upham!” quoth Gregory.

newob: Hermeneutics

acb: Denotational semiotics (Hah!)

newob: Postmodern differential calculus

acb: Our Lady of Differential Equations

At this point, the game is interrupted by a rules check:

– – – No, no, I'm sorry, but isn't that an example of a
– – – fourth-division abstract turnwinkle maneuver? Or is it a
– – – fourth-division ultralinear concrete expenhoover? Damn, I
– – – can NEVER keep those straight… Someone please clarify
– – – the rules here for me?

– – Well, fourth-division abstract turnwinkle maneuver is
– – correct. But in this case, it's Allowed, as three
– – moves ago, pod's move counts as a hypertemporal
– – meta-frobnostication, thus reducing Beck's and
– – equating Brunswick Shrine with the set of nonlocal
– – beables until the next interdomain traversal.

– *slaps forehead* That's right! *sigh* Thanks. Well. Carry on, then…
– What was your last move, Andrew? Our mail seems to have gotten a bit crossed.

And so, with no blood shed, the game continued on…

bonni: Tense testicle

gibo: a giant stone phallus from Budget Rent-A-Phallus ™

acb: Patagonian Death Gerbils (can skeletonise a cow in 30 seconds) (for the full significance of this move, check out the game played on flat-earth earlier this year (or was it last year?))

dave: I have three knees!

acb: Denotational semiotics (Hah!)

newob: Postmodern differential calculus

acb: Our Lady of Differential Equations

dave: (I have three knees!)

newob: Vandal Squirrels on Special K

dave: (Dave, enacting a subliminal retroactive Foedinger Clause, effectively removes any responsibility we may have had to follow out the consequences of Bell's Law.)


newob: Microsoft breaks the multimedia barrier with it's prime time TV release, “Star Trek: Deep Babylon Space: Above and Beyond Galactica for Windows 95: The Next Generation”

acb: Biomechanical psychosis

bonni: If it ain't baroque, don't fix it.

acb: Jeering Cross

bonni: stormwallinger

ficus: The last emendment.

pod: The Imminent Death of the Net

acb: The idiot Chaos blew Earth's dust away.

drbsci: Microwave spotted dick

gh: I can blow bubbles in Smurfette.

MFB: Insane! Insane I tell you!


gibo: In the Year 1997, OJ Simpson becomes a VJ after the Wired/MTV merger. Ratings skyrocket.

CX: 19th-century Patagonian Welshmen hold the fate of the world in their hands.

giles: ACTUALLY I think that calls the Malthusian Alternative into play, which (as I recall) is invalidated by prognostication following Bell's Law. The “giant stone phallus” confirming Bell's Law in move 13, followed by the varying shades of prognostication in moves 17, 22, 23 (of course), and 24 – not to mention your own move, which would be 25 – would seem to prevent any mention of 19th-Century Patagonians of any kind, especially Welsh or potentially heroic ones. ACB hinted at these implications when he introduced Patagonia so early in the game (which I was surprised to see, incidentally, but I guess he's playing hardball). you could try to get off on a technicality, claiming the prognostications were all satirical and thus not true prognostications, but I really can't see that holding water. firstly, you can't proceed in that direction without asking people their intentions (forbidden by the Irstock Precedent), and secondly, the issue doesn't really matter anyway. prognos is prognos, whether serious or no.

bonni: Well, I agree with most of that, but what about the inclusionary clause of the Forty-Fourth Dimensional Abstract (section 2.a.)? I mean, wouldn't that actually prevent the full influx of a Malthusian Alternative play? I mean, sure, you can call on a PARTIAL Malthusian Alternative, but if you're going to do that you may as well just say, “To hell with it! I'm going to pull a Ratzwingle Triple-Turn Bypass!” You see my point (and I'm not arguing so much as just exploring possiblities here).
He comes across all nice and subtle and then…
WHAMMO! Hits you with something like Patagonaian Death Hamsters and suddenly you're in it up to your eyebrows.
The argument that the prognostications were all satirical is a major cop-out, and certainly a juvenile maneuver, don't you think? I mean, the players in this game are (or should be, in my opinion) above that sort of “rules lawyering” so to speak. And regarding the Irstock Precedent, I just wanted to say: Good point!

acb: DISCO WHILE THE MOON BURNS! (the 'Patakibological Gambit)

newob: Splunge.

ficus: The library's forked paths, re-unite [Tiki lamps akimbo]

bonni: Cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with…… A HERRING!!!

acb: A tiger? In Africa? (it's getting kind of intense now….. anything could happen (and probably will))

***ficus: The library's forked paths, re-unite [Tiki lamps akimbo]***

newob: Damn! Ficus had to go and perform a Hypersubkiboliminal Recursion! Of course, in a game of Meta Morning Crescent, such a move also results in Crow's Difibulation, a precursur to Ferrington's Contrivance, which we all know causes a Maelstromaen Inversion, as per Flotzwingerin-finnian's Theorem. To avoid the complexities of InfraUltraMeta Morning Crescent, we now have to avoid the Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schlepden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nurnburger-bratwussle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulmian Exception. This will be tough! Lesseee…

newob: Pouvez-vous m'indiquer le chemin pour aller a la municipalite non-nucleaire qui est le plus proce? (Whew! That was close!)

acb: Africa was very interesting. I behaved very oddly there.

CX: Retromorphism and Mark 4:9. (Newob, I believe you mean “Mornington Crescent”.)

newob: Ah, yes, well…That would have to be an example of Gargamel's Postulate… er… where Spontaneous Interpsychogenetics invariably… uhm… causes Metatext reformatting in the language cortex…. Quite reasonable, when you consider the complex brain activity Meta Morning*ton* Crescent requires…uh, yeah, that's it.

pod: Viscous Joe Beagle

newob: Oh Geez…I fold! I fold! Eris Help us now…

acb: “I can't be called Dwayne Dibley!” (and, yes, it's allowed, since I am not wearing a ginger toupee.)

drbsci: Om is the bow, the arrow is the soul,/ Brahman is the arrow's goal/ At which one aims unflinchingly.

white: no, not really

gibo: The Sword of Valor, the Wand of Reason, the Pentagram of Intuition, and the Octopus of Insanity.

acb: Phn'glui mglw'nafh B'harne R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! (As you probably are aware, this means Cthulhoid Rules for the next 5+#i moves.)

dave: Helloooooooo giraffes!

dave: It was a Dark and Stormy Nighty.

dave: My God, it's full of squid!

dave: Ask for DEAD CTHULHU sleep aids by name!

gibo: artificial intelligence 2, disc one, track 3 (it's beautiful)

gibo: Patagonia.

gibo: Patagonia.

gibo: Patagonia.

newob: I'm Chirpie, the mutant Hellbeast, and I don't like this meta-game.

bonni: BURMA!

ficus: Ghoti shall make you a fisher of man's soul.

?: invoking Kervorkian resistance to immanentizing energy level splitting at 00:00 GMT all souls' day 1995 and applying a side order of Clement's patented extra-infundibulary splitting of 3.1-dimensional brouhaha, I safely de-materialize for 0.005 second, during which time the following appears, attaching itself to every third future, and randomly to one past move differently chosen in each player's in box…

ficus: no thing

ltwlk: The 1994 Olympic Has “He Who Should Not Be Named” Speed Skiing Championship (boycotted by 43 nations I might add)

ficus: blue fire in the espresso machine

newob: Houston, we have Tom Hanks on the shuttle!

ficus: Further Last Words of Dutch Schultz

Those of you who have picked this up by now should have noticed that ficus had a chance to win the game here. If he would have played “The Last Words of Dutch Schultz – The Sequel” Gennon's Law would have been met and he would immediately be able to declare Mornington Crescent.

bonni: My hovercraft is full of eels.

gibo: “Rock And Roll Is Dead” is a single by Lenny Kravitz. which reversion to real-world levels of paradox and contradiction, in accordance with the basic rule set, would seem to… um… *end the game.* I think it's over, folx.

acb: Not yet. For a Mornington Crescent game to finish, Rushton's condition has to be either met or shown to be unsatisfiable. This has not yet happened. Even if that analysis *were* binding, it would only force a suspension of the game untill one of the players kills Lenny Kravitz.

acb: Demonstures of the Reptagin


ltwlk: Um, I actually killed Lenny Kravitz last week (and immediately formed the “Lenny Kravitz Died For Your Sins” cabal. After all, you wouldn't want to waste a perfectly good, dead singer now, would you?) but I wasn't playing at the time. Does _that_ count?

ltwlk: O.J. vs. Nightshift in a Pay per View extravaganza.

ltwlk: All the Patagonian Death Gerbel negligence cases since June 12, 1983. *INCLUDING* the one defended by Colin Ferguson.

acb: The truth is out there. WAAAAAY out there.

At this point, acb was away for several hours and the game continued, splitting apart. When he came back, he ended one thread as so:

acb: Since you didn't account for symmetry in the Wobbling Domain (as “Patagonian Death Jerbal negligence” would have done), I caqn collapse the game, through the other eigenstates, and do:
acb: Mornington Crescent
As Mr. Flibble said, “game over boys!”.
(the other thread, however, is still open and unaffected (except, of course, for quantum moves which depend on reflexive synchronicity, as that's reversed.)

After which he was told off like so:

?: I DON'T think so!
#1 – Rushton's condition is left hanging in the breeze.
#2 – Collapsing the game is only possible if a player is successfully monopolizing a rule. You gave up the Patagonia monopoly, which is the only monopoly we've seen so far at all.
#3 – The Chapman Contortion is plainly evident here.
#4 – Your “Mornington Crescent” move could only work on top of “Patagonian Death Jerbals,” the move you suggested, and *not* on top of “Patagonian Death Gerbels,” the (mis)spelling actually used.
I think a reverse causality twist could save you here – as in Kaufman's use of the Davison Gambit during the Kaufman/Heidegger rematch – but you'd probably have to abandon the Wobbling Domain entirely for Nietzche's House of Furry Widgets.

This caused a bit of an argument. In response to the accusation that Rushton's condition was not met, the following discussion ensued:

– – – Not quite: given that all critical eigenstates are open,
– – – a path to the absolute plane can be made, which
– – – satisfies it. (Check the rules.)

– – Classic misunderstanding of Rushton's condition. It's
– – only satisfied if the path passes through the majority of
– – critical eigenstates – which is, as you say, easy to do – and
– – *at least six* non-critical ones. This latter aspect of the
– – condition is not satisfied, but it is not proven
– – unsatisfiable either.

– That's pre-Featherstonehaugh rules; it changed in 3154
– to eliminate the non-critical eigenstate requirement unless
– the subject/object mapping is inverted (which is clearly not
– the case here).

and was promptly reverted by Rushton himself in 3192.
we're not playing a game using exclusively those rules
commonly used between 3155 and 3191, are we?

Did it stop there? Of course not. In response to accusation #2:

– – And all this doesn't even address the fact that the path
– – has to connect the absolute plane to the Mornington Crescent,
– – which is too isolated by the corruption of the Aspect of
– – Gallows for this to be possible.

Not quite; the Monty Python and Red Dwarf references fix the
path, allowing an epistemic traversal.

however, in this case an epistemic traversal realigns the domains. try
it out – you'll see that the Monty Python and Red Dwarf refs. end up
at opposite ends of the Aspect of Gallows. you end up trying to do a
methylated pixel twist, one of Hawthorne's Unrepeatable Stunts.

And #3:

– – – – #3 – The Chapman Contortion is plainly evident here.

– – – And it's Allowed. Check out Fenderson v. Fenderson, 3159.

– – Fenderson v. Fenderson only applies to Finton variant MC!
– – Check 3160 it's right there on the page facing the one
– – you quoted. I mean for crying out loud…

– You must have the first edition; that was a misprint, they
– left out the word “not”. It was corrected in the second edition.

Actually, I edited the twenty-third edition. You'll find an
extensive footnote on Fenderson vs. Fenderson's applicability
and the Misprint Wars. In the twenty-fourth edition, to be published
next year, we're publishing an entire appendix on the subject.
Hopefully, that'll clarify the issue. For now, consider the
fact that F v. F revolves around a complicated issue of
monopolisation, which arose originally in a Finton game, and
that it's impossible for the F v. F situation to arise
in a non-Finton game, unless the tertiary warp deposits begin
almost immediately. we didn't even have primary deposits
until the sixth round! if the F v. F precedent was applicable,
and it was – I have to conclude we were playing Finton.

And, of course, #4:

– – – – See remark 2. MC works here because “Gerbels”
– – – – is purple and thus in the class of sounds
– – – – belonging to the Emperor; from this I can
– – – – derive a Malik-Dorn Traversal to MC.

– – – Again, this hinges on your Finton/non-Finton
– – – dilemma (the Bulhak Evasion?). Once you decide
– – – which game you're arguing about, I'll be able
– – – to answer this claim.

– – It holds for non-Finton; Finton doesn't affect sounds
– – belonging to the Emperor.

– Well, I hate to tell you this, but that's obvious.
– That's *why* the whole thing hinges on the Finton/
– non-Finton question. the move works if we aren't
– playing Finton, and falls apart if we are. but I'm
– still not satisfied with your attempts to resolve this
– dilemma.

From the rules (section VII: “Substraddles and Fiancettos”):
13.5.43 The Fenderson fiancetto A Fenderson fiancetto may not be played when the Circle line is green. A Fenderson fiancetto may be played immediately following a Higglesworth substraddle. A Fenderson fiancetto may not be played when a Rushton shunt can be played. A Fenderson fiancetto may be played when a Snagsbury meta-substraddle can be played or the Bakerloo line is free.
Of course, given the mappings as outlined, this holds, as the moves immediately prior to my penultimate move were in effect a Higglesworth substraddle and my last two moves constituted a Fenderson fiancetto. (You may suggest at this stage that either Bonni or podboy could have played a Rushton shunt to either “Titanic II” or “fnord”, but that is invalid as that move would have been self-annihilating and would automatically remove itself from the time-space continuum.)
I rest my case.

If you remember, the game had split back there. The continuation:

acb: The truth is out there. WAAAAAY out there.

newob: May 2010: Superstring Theory is replaced by the more popular Supercatnip Theory.

newob: December 2003: The World Legislature votes unanimously to consolidate all parking lots into one huge parking lot in Brazil. Environmentalists complain, but then they complain about everything.

newob: April 2006: God releases the Post-Modern Testamant v1.7.5 in which he clearly says “Nietche is Dead. Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah!” in a secret hypertext link.

newob: Synchronistic Reflexivity

gibo: January 2004: April 1958. (Stranger things have happened.)

ltwlk: That's funny, my subconscious read bonni's play as “My hovercraft is owned by Nine Inch Nails.” But I was wrong.

newob: I did NOT misspell “Nietzche.” So there.

acb: Today, being the 73rd of Bureaucracy, is Eye Day. Traditionally, this is celebrated with a game of Discordian Mornington Crescent. I volunteer to start one by retrocausation, if someone will go back in time and kill Timothy Leary.

bonni: agapetos mainomai (oooh, it's GREEK! Or is that geek?)

arken: I will kill the precedent to prove my louvre for Jodie Foster.

acb: Gidouille. (Surely you _must_ have seen it coming…)

newob: Moi, je veux etre l'anarchist!

bonni: Apes don't read philosophy.

And that's it! We hope that these examples helped you understand some of the many rules and regulations involved in Discordian Mornington Crescent… Good Fucking Luck!

One thought on “Mornington Crescent

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *