Mindfuck/Jake Ideas

These ideas were collected from the pre-2005 site's comment sections and posts regarding ideas for jakes. The person who provided the idea is attributed after the idea, like this: (Ambrose Bierce)

A bunch of people all had their alarm clock on their watches set for the same time, entered a department store, careful not to recognize anyone there. When their alarms went off, they all filed neatly out of the room leaving the owners confused and befuddled. (thatwhichdoesnotbelieveIexist)

Go to a used book store. Ask for or steal some of the “USED” stickers that they put on their books. In a supermarket, place the stickers on every other box of tampons,diapers, or condoms. (kukamongus)

Turn the boxes of upside-down cake mixes over. (kukamongus)

I used to work at a kiosk sized McDonalds located within a walmart. They would have us do announcements for our specials over the walmart speakers… i got banned from doing these for telling people to come in for “pancakes so good you can't even tell they are microwaved.” (?)

When I first came to work for Wally World [Walmart] I overheard a transplant from the competition start a P.A. “Attention K-Mart Shoppers!” That messed up at least a few people, I'm sure. I also hear tell that a few years ago in my current store there was someone who would get on the P.A. from random phones and shout a joyous “Wheeeee!!!” before hanging up. They never found out who it was. But they tried, oh how the greyfaces tried. (The Invidious Nosegay Scion)

Instead of drinking alcohol, drink water and pretend as though you're getting drunk. everyone will think you're fucking wasted and try to catch up by drinking more. so then you can have fun with the lushies and get them to take off all their clothes and run down the street yelling, “the emperor wears no clothes! the emperor wears no clothes!” (squesal)

You want sick, try this… ever notice that the teletubbies have male/female anatomy on their heads? I like to go through the toy dept. and insert the males into the females. Or the males into the hands. (e-pluribus Omni)

add price tags to free promotional items. (Master Horab)

My favorite is to just start saying “in accordance with prophecy” after everything you say. (Ottereven)

If you can get enough people together, go chaosmas caroling, going from house to house, each person singing completely independently from the person beside him/her, in perfect discord, until projectiles start impacting dangerously close to you, or they pay you to go away, at which point you move on. (thatwhichdoesnotbelieveIexist)

How about “Buy a twinkie and set it free”? Have a kiddie pool with some sticks and grass in it with a bunch of Twinkies spread out (make sure at least one couple is copulating)… put a sign on it that says “Free Range Twinkie Habitat. (Kruptos)

Put a picture of a twinkie getting electrical prodded or something, “hidden camera style” have shots of those commercials where they twist the oreo half off and slowly eat it write something like “Would you do THIS to a turtle” as commentary, get that simpsons shot where homer is having a nightmare hes being punished by donuts, there is a whole host of things outthere. (Dan(ny))

What you do is leave a open can of pea baby food in a place noone can find it. Invariably, it will smell… bad. leave a dildo next to the baby food, so that when someone finally finds it they see open pea baby food and a dildo… You have NO idea how confused people will be. (Tumani Arch Arsonist)

Try putting stickers on cans of corn that say 'Reclaimed' with a drawing of a net in front of a sewage outlet. (Cardinal Flapslap)

Some of my preferred questions are:
What happens when you drink bleach?
Who is your favorite imaginary person?
If you were a duck, why would you work in an information kiosk?
What's your favorite?
What's that on your face?
Who would win a fight between Astroboy and Megaman, and why?
Do you need a college degree to distribute information from a booth? (erisimian)

Another project I think is most worthwhile is this:
1. Get a bunch of quarters and spare change.
2. Dress up like a bum.
3. Walk around with a look like you are going to ask people for change.
4. Approach people and ask “Do you want a spare quarter?”
5. Proceed to give away your money, leaving a trail of confusion. (erisimian)

Don't forget that as a juror you have the right to Jury Nullification. You aren't only judging the guilt of the defendant, but the morality and appropriateness of the law. If the law is wrong, then you as a juror have the right to judge the defendant as NOT Guilty and make it clear that the law is null and void. Congress may pass a law, the judicial system may prosecute, but the jury has the final say – http://www.fija.org (Ratatosk, Squirrel of Discord)

You could try leaving opened pantyhose in a men's restroom, perhaps with men's underwear inside them, as though a drag queen left them behind.

Find online a recipe for the British pudding called “spiced spotted dick” and leave it, plain as day, by some place kids are likely to see it, like the cereal area. (Pope Fay)

Leave a cell phone on one of the shelves and when someone passes by it, call the phone's number and, when they invariably pick it up to answer, ask “Is this 1-900-BIG-COCK?” or some other phone sex service. (Pope Fay)

Find amusing uses for the “fit for human consumption” stickers that some stores put on produce – dust mops, for example. (klyf23)

Back from the protests. There were two of us total representing “People for the Ethical Treatment of Spongecakes”. Surrealist heckling is fun! (Pope Ghostly Weasel)

Walk up to a total stranger and say to him “I'm sorry to hear about your mother.” (e-pluribus Omni)

A sign that says: “WARNING! It is against Federal statute to read this sign. Reading of this sign is cause for persicution.” (Rev. Nolan Void)

If you have something like an overhead fan you can have fun. Drop an oily screw and some oily metal filings just underneath the fan (or similar ceiling located equipment). Should make people nervous walking under it. (KaosKat JuJuPhool)

Adopting plainly false accents is fun. (KaosKat JuJuPhool)

If you're willing to take the time, you should walk down the street wearing a suit and tie… backwards. The boss says “Uhhhh,” you respond, “You told me to weare a suit!” (Ratatosk, Squirrel of Discord)

While waiting outside near traffic, such as at a bus stop, do a double-take to a passing car and start waving energetically as if you've spotted a long-lost friend. A variant is to approach a stranger and actually say things like “I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?” (John Fenderson)

You and a friend stand in public with your backs to each other and engage in loud, deeply philosophic arguments. (John Fenderson)

Talk in Stapletonish (A language that consists of spelling the words out, but following consonants with “ong”. Eris would thus be “eee rong eye song”) (John Fenderson)

Stare intently over people's left shoulder when talking with them. (John Fenderson)

Wear two different socks and if people ask, tell them that your socks match, they just aren't identical (Chaos Kitty)

Have a coloring book party in the lobby. (Chaos Kitty)

Start up a business called Eris Cleaners. On your first, and possibly last (or your last first) job, CLEAN the whole place thoroughly. Then re-arrange all their furniture. (Pope 4)

Ask religious people if you go to Hell for squirting EZ-Cheez on the communion wafers. (Cardinal Machine)

I have a tattoo of the Chao on my arm (honestly!), and sometimes have a wonderful time making up meanings for it when questioned by the aneristic.
My favorites:
1) It's my sacred Chao. Don't gore it.
2) (in a whisper) I'm a member of a highly secret military strike team. Will you please hold this bag and stand over there for 15 minutes?
3) There's something on my arm? What are you talking about?
4) Mu.
5) It's the mark of Satan, to remind me who is my King. (John Fenderson)

I've always enjoyed minducking Jehovahs Witnesses and Mormons that come to your door. They tell me to read the Bible, I tell them to read Alice and Wonderland. They give me cheaply made leaflets about my soul, I give them cheaply made leaflets about Discordia. I turn there ranting into a fun and friendly two-way game. (Herostratus)

Ever want to be on the store wide PA at Walmart? Get to a phone when no one important is around and press #96 (bottom three on the right) wait for the beeping to stop then talk. I don't know if this works for them all, but it's worth a try. And remember if you say something like “Attention associates we have a code (insert color)” it could be disasterous, becasue they use colors for things like bombs, fire, hostage, so I'd suggest against it. (KaosKat JuJuPhool)

Tell everyone that you invented some commonplace item or substance, such as grass. (thetwentythirdgod)

Run in circles in the middle of the street until asked to move. Then run in squares. (thetwentythirdgod)

Laugh at the sad parts of a movie, and cry at the funny parts. (thetwentythirdgod)

Dance rapidly to slow music and slowly to upbeat music. (thetwentythirdgod)

Stare determinedly at someone's left nostril for fifteen minutes or so. (thetwentythirdgod)

Watch a TV that has been off for a long time. (thetwentythirdgod)

Listen to music backwards,and sing to the music as it plays backwards. (thetwentythirdgod)

Hold conversations with yourself in gibberish while reading. (thetwentythirdgod)

Write a distasteful review of every meal you eat. (thetwentythirdgod)

Drive a riding mower to school, work, etc. (thetwentythirdgod)

Fill a water bottle up with creamed corn, and sip from it occasionally. (thetwentythirdgod)

Replace common words with other common words in your speech. (thetwentythirdgod)

Sneak up on someone until they notice, then run off screaming in mock terror. (thetwentythirdgod)

Go to an arcade. Play games against small children. Mock them when they lose. (thetwentythirdgod)

Complain about the low levels of toxins in the air. (thetwentythirdgod)

Yell at random inanimate objects for being lazy. (thetwentythirdgod)

Jerk spasmodically and make random blurted sounds whenever you've sat still for too long. (thetwentythirdgod)

Look at someone who is sitting quietly as if they've gone mad. (thetwentythirdgod)

Sneeze repeatedly and loudly in a very small space, then mumble about how you hope you're not still contagious. (thetwentythirdgod)

Make elaborate mass-murder plans, write them down, and leave your notes sitting on a bench (or the like) in a well-trafficked location. (thetwentythirdgod)

Turn your television upside-down and complain about how they need to fix the picture. (thetwentythirdgod)

Put posters up backwards. (thetwentythirdgod)

Bitch about the low kill count in the war. (thetwentythirdgod)

Bitch about people who bitch all the time. (thetwentythirdgod)

Head-bang to classical music. (thetwentythirdgod)

Send someone a bill for an exorcism, in the name of a devout fundie you can't stand… (Cardinal Machine)

If you find out someone has just received an inheritance, won a hundred bucks in the lottery or something similar, send a demand for payment on the contract exchanging his soul for the windfall. Signed in blood by “Satan,” of course… (Cardinal Machine)

Go wild letting people know you're a serious occultist and Pagan. Make it public knowledge. Then publicly take your grayface target under your wing as a student. Endorse them in church newsletters as your finest pupil. Ordain them in the name of Satan, Cthulhu, Loki, or another of the fun-loving gods. Send an announcement to the local paper to celebrate the joyous occasion of their ordination. Hang around with them publicly, discussing anything occult quite openly… (Cardinal Machine)

Go out and find a random person that doesn't look like they'd be too violent. Go up to them and perform your own burial ceremony on them. Once they are officially 'buried' give them a burial certificate and you're bill (which naturally should be something amusing). If you can do this to a random person you've mindfucked them good, and semi-mindfucked the audience. If you do it with a friend you're less likely to get assaulted, but don't have quite the mindfuck. (KaosKat JuJuPhool)

Cabbages, although mostly harmless, are very frightening creatures. When approached by one, it is best to pull some random object out of your bag and wave it at them while shouting “KREEGA! BUNDOLO!”. You do have your bag with you, don't you? If not, pull a random object out of someone nearby's bag. Don't worry. The cabbage won't bite unless cornered, or unless set afire. If necessary, tweak their nipple. One or more of these tactics should prove effective. If the cabbage doesn't leave, start jumping around and shouting monkey sounds. Then hand them a dollar. That should shut them up. (thetwentythirdgod)

Working in a supermarket is not a good idea. All those things on the shelves, in neat, orderly rows, ORDERED, in ROWS… Complete lack of anything interesting, eveything always in the same place. So far I have kept myself sane (Or insane, depending on your view) by placing “slimming suggestion” labels on products like blocks of lard. (Goodberry)

Try this for fun… The next time you get in an elevator stand as close to the door as possible, like nose to the opening close, and stay there the entire time you are riding, if it stops on another floor, don't move, just look at the person and push the “door close” button. This is fun when waiting for the elevator also. (omni)

This is fun to do in a particularly crowded elevator. While all the gray-suited grayfaces face towards the door, face towards the opposite wall. Do not let your gaze waver, nor look in any way awkward. Make it more fun by asking “why?” when they ask you to turn around. '(Master Paradox)

if possible, place dirty CROCKery/CUTlery in the elevator and send to the ground floor… preferably with some kind of left over food on it. You must situate it dead centre of floor… (stonk)

Frantically scribble something on paper. When finished, eat it. Start again. (Buymysperm)

Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks. (Buymysperm)

Spread toothpicks all over the floor. Stare at them, acting like you're trying to read something. Tell your roommate it's a message from God, but you're not sure whether it's a warning about a loved one in danger or a recipe for really great chili. (Buymysperm)

Smash your roommate's favorite cassettes and wrap the tape around your naked body, running around the apartment screaming “Fly, be free! Fly, be free!” (Buymysperm)

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