Blessings and Miracles

Originally posted to 23ae by Ratatosk, Squirrel of Discord.

I found in an ancient cave, under the rug which was upon the floor, an ancient scroll, upon this ancient scroll were inscribed the words of the Non-Prophet Lucy.

“And in the days of the times of Bureaucracy when Discord has fled from the onslaught of the Greyface, there came unto the lovers of Eris a woman floating out of the sky. They knew immediately that this was indeed a sign, for it is not often that women come floating out of the sky (especially since the Erisians had not partaken of the Five Fingered Hand of Eris that day [yet]).

And she said unto them, “Beautiful and foolish children of Eris, your mother has heard your voice crying out because of the heavy hand and hunched brain of the Greyface. Their Bureaucracy is a burden that a free mind should not be required to deal with. In her heart she is sad that this time must continue for a little longer, but she has sent me with a Eucharist to help you through these times by making your pineal gland strong. And you who are the Legion of Dynamic Discord will also, when you partake of this Eucharist, be known as the Legion of Static Discord.”

Then turning she waved her hand and a large couch appeared and it could fit all who wished to partake. Then in front of the couch a Vision appeared, and she named the Vision “Yellow Submarine”. Then she brought forth small squares of aluminum foil and gave two to each Discordian saying “Take, eat, for this is my First Gift” and so all took the foil and unwrapped it, placing the contents under their tongue.

Then she passed a bong full of those who are called “Discordia’s Ladies in Waiting”, named Mary, Bella and Stra Mona saying “Take, smoke, for this is my second gift”. So all partook of the sacred smoke, and there was much coughing and drinking of water.

Finally she approached each of those on the couch and placed a drop from a vial in each of their eyes and one on their tongue saying “Take this for it is my final gift today”. And each replied in their turn “Woah. I think I just flashed on Something”.

Then she turned to the Vision which spoke of Marmalade Trees and Diamonds.

And Eris saw that it was good and this became the Wholey Eucharist of The Legion of Static Discord.”

Here ended the scroll.

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