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Archive of posts filed under the Discordian Literature category.

Berlin Poe’s Illuminated Principia Discordia

The Parable of the Quiet Sunday

It was a quiet Sunday morning. Peaceful, even. The monk Nopants sat down in front of a perfectly golden brown waffle, fork and knife in hand, a serene smile on his face. Suddenly, there was a loud obnoxious yodeling noise from the other room. Nopants gritted his teeth. The yodeling got louder. Nopants tried to ignore it as his grip tightened on his fork and knife. Apparently Golden Rod was walking around the monastery, practicing his thunder-yodels. Bung Fu The Fool sensed that Nopants was about to flip his shit and said, “Let me handle this.” Bung Fu jumped out from behind a bush and surprised Golden Rod. “Hey you fuckstick! Master Nopants is trying to eat his fucking waffle in peace and you keep bunging it up with your asshole yodeling.” Golden Rod was full of it this morning. He hissed back: “Listen you sycophantic douche canoe, I am an enlightened master so I can do whatever I fucking want. I’m sick of your fascist tyrant authoritarian facist whining like ehh ehh none of us would know what to do if you didn’t crack the ass whip up all of our asses all the time, so listen up: If I want to yodel, I can do it. If I want to keep my fucking PISS IN A JAR, I can do that too. And if I want to bust my throat by yodeling so hard MY EYEBALLS BULGE OUT MY SKULL, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY BECAUSE THESE EYES ARE MADE FOR BULGING AND THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY’LL DO—-" Bung Fu said, “I’m just saying—”, but Golden Rod cut him off “—AND ONE OF THESE DAYS I’M GONNA BULGE ALL OVER YOU.” That was it for Bung Fu, he hated being yelled at and even more, he hated Nancy Sinatra. He sneered and made a stupid face and shouted back in a sarcastic tone, “OHH I DIDN’T REALIZE THAT BEING AN ENLIGHTENED MASTER MEANS HAVING NO FUCKING REGARD FOR ANYBODY ELSE AND SPAGGING AROUND THE MONASTERY GOING EHH EHH LOOK AT HOW GREAT MY YODELING IS, GIVE ME A YODELING AWARD MADE OF PISS SO I CAN KEEP IT IN A JAR AND WALK AROUND LIKE I’M BETTER THAN EVERYBODY EXCEPT I ACTUALLY HAVE A PISS JAR ON MY PERSON AND I WANT TO SHOW IT TO EVERYBODY LIKE THEY’RE PICTURES OF MY UGLY BABY AND NOBODY GIVES A FUCK BUT I KEEP SHOWING THEM OFF GOING OOOH LOOK AT HOW CUTE MY BABY IS ISN’T HE PRECIOUS HE’S THE CUTEST BABY IN THE WORLD — EXCEPT PEOPLE REALLY THINK YOUR GODDAMN BABY LOOKS LIKE AN OLD MONSTER TRUCK TIRE THAT JUST ROLLED THROUGH A SHITSTACK OF ROADKILL WITH SHIT COMING OUT OF IT AND THEN STOPPED IN A PUDDLE OF COLD DOG JIZZ. WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT AWFUL BABY HAS HIS FATHER’S EYES, THEY’RE REALLY SAYING HE LOOKS LIKE A SMEGGY PSYCHOPATH WITH BUTTHOLES WHERE HIS EYES SHOULD BE AND THEY’RE SHITTING, CONSTANTLY SHITTING.” “I don’t understand,” said Golden Rod. “I’M SAYING PUT A DIAPER ON THAT BABY’S FACE, ASS TURBAN.” Golden Rod punched out a lamp and shouted, “YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS TO OFFEND ME HAVE BACKFIRED AND NOW I’M HORNY AS FUCK SO I’M GOING TO CALL UP YOUR MOTHER, WHOM I HAVE ON SPEED DIAL, AND TELL HER TO ORDER A PIZZA PIE BECAUSE I’M COMING OVER AND I’M GONNA FUCK HER IN THE FAT ASS, THEN EAT THE WHOLE PIZZA IN FRONT OF HER WHILE SHE CRIES AND IF SHE ASKS FOR PIZZA I’M GONNA SAY NO BITCH, YOU’VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH GODDAMN PIZZA ALREADY.” Bung Fu tore off his shirt and shouted “ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A SPAG NAMED GOLDEN ROD WHO WAS ON HIS WAY TO THE BIG CITY TO MAKE HIS FORTUNE, BUT SUDDENLY HE GOT ELBOW DROPPED,” and with that, Bung Fu leapt onto Golden Rod, elbows first. They began to fight and roll around and scream crap at each other.     Nopants sighed.      

New York Review of Books: Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht

[caption id="attachment_1988" align="alignleft" width="300"]One of these World Naked Bike Ride partiers is an offspring of an original Ek-sen-trik. From Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht.[/caption] Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht is now listed in the New York Review of Books!  They list it as Philosophy/Humor, which is more-or-less accurate.  The book's been listed elsewhere as Educational, New Age, and Personal Development, which are more or less accurate too.  Of course it could also be listed as backup toilet paper. What book have Robert Anton Wilson (who saw an early draft), Rev. Ivan Stang, R. Crumb, Alan Moore, Sondra London aka The Erisian Elestria, Reverend Jason "Pee Kitty" Levine, Adam Gorightly, Johnny Shellburn, S. John Ross aka Pope Leo and Malaclypse the Younger aka Greg Hill (who never saw the whole book but read some selections) and others been talking about?  Feel free to find out! You can see comments by the above, preview it or buy it at Amazon.  Or even better you can buy it at What's that?  You don't believe the New York Review of Books would actually list an independent Discordian tome?  Check  (Note this pdf may change with time).

Are You a Contributor?

You can still get an additional discount on the already discounted $20.00 $15.00 cover price but you'll need to respond by 18 January 2013 date extended to 14 February 2013. Send an email identifying yourself to by then and see yourself in print! (Note: we'd give contributors one for free but we can't get the books free either! Something about the book's publisher Anaphora Literary Press wanting to make money or something). One of these World Naked Bike Ride celebrants is an offspring of one of the original Ek-sen-triks. Original image by AlexaWooga with art by A. L. is under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License and/or the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 (your choice of usage).

Anonymous Lifeforms reporting for Reverend Loveshade

Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht ON SALE!

Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of ShamlichtAfter legal complication, printing problems and other technical difficulties, Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht is now available!  And if you're on our list of esteemed contributors (see below), you can get your copy at discount! S. John Ross aka Pope Leo (GURPS, Cumberland Games & Diversions, Warehouse 23, Novus Ordo Discordia: The Gospel of Pesher the Gardener) penned the outstanding foreplay.  Our blurb writers include Alan Moore, Robert Anton Wilson (who saw an early draft), Rev. Ivan Stang, R. Crumb, Sondra London aka The Erisian Elestria, Reverend Jason "Pee Kitty" Levine, Adam Gorightly, and others.  

Quotes about the Book

"This inspiring volume makes a splendid auric pippin to be lobbed amongst the bickering goddesses of our contemporary debate." -- Alan Moore (V for Vendetta, Watchmen, Lost Girls) "Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia may become to the 21st century what Principia Discordia became to the 20th.  Which means--I don't know what the hell that means." -- Robert Anton Wilson (The Illuminatus! Trilogy, Schrödinger's Cat Trilogy, Masks of the Illuminati) "Buy it and BURN THIS BOOK FOR 'BOB'!" -- Rev. Ivan Stang (The Book of the SubGenius, High Weirdness By Mail, the Church of the SubGenius)  

Buy it and Burn It!

Feel free to buy two copies, burn one publicly, and hide the other! The book is now available for $20.00 $15.00 American money at  Or even better you can buy it through our store at  

Esteemed Contributors

We would love to be able to give a free copy of Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht to everyone who contributed, but as you can see from the long list below that would not be practical.  However, if you are on the following list, you can receive a special discount for a book if you buy through!  Just send us an email with the name you used to contribute to:

We will assume you want your discount sent to the email you use to contact us unless you tell us otherwise. If your name isn't on this list, contact us anyway!  We might have accidentally left your name off and might even be feeling generous.  Unlike Pat Robertson, we aren't perfect. Adam Gorightly, Alan Moore, Al Barger, Alden Loveshade, Alien, Anonymous Lifeform, Ashibaka aka Shii, Bellydancer Upyours, Binky the WonderSkull, BloodStar, Brother Femtomoment, Brother Kob, Bumper Bunny, Captain 'Sesame Seed' Rogers, C. S. Martin & Steve Lewis, Danacasso, Dorian Jack (family), Dr. Isaac Clarke, Dr. Octopussy, Dr. Sinister Craven, Emily Sander aka Zoey Zane (family), Fairy Princess Yoshikyoko, Gamemaster Loveshade, Greg Hill (family), Herr Bookmonger, His Wholiness the Rev. DrJon, Icarus 23, John Wilkes Harvey Oswald, Kerry Thornley (family), Lani Lina Lian Lain, Max Flax Beeblewax, Miley Ray Cyrus, Miley Spears, Nixie Nurita, Nurse Devine Stripling, Paco the Fruit Bat, Perlie the Pony Girl, Pope Higgins, Pope Hilde, Princess Unicornia, Professor Cramulus, Professor Mu-Chao, R. Crumb, Reverend Loveshade, Rev. Ivan Stang, Reverend Jason ‘Pee Kitty’ Levine, Robert Anton Wilson (family), Saint The Mary, Sister Hooter, Sister Lorraine of Fairy Tree, S. John Ross aka Pope Leo, Sondra London, Sparky Newberg, St. Verbatim, TawTew the Naturally Perfumed, Toby Bruno, Untroubled Teen, Zeus, Xists. This offer will expire at the End of the World at midnight Dec. 21, 2012!  If the world doesn't end then, you have until midnight Pat Pineapple Day, Jan. 18, 2013!  So claim your discount now!

Anonymous Lifeforms reporting for Reverend Loveshade

Reasons To Go Discordian: Part 3

The original Trickster Goddess is back. She's been sleeping for a long time, but the discovery of the Planet Eris marks her full force return. Eris isn't the kind of God who rules the world from a mountain like a king. She changes the world by rolling a golden apple into the midst of a party. People's true colors come out when they dive dive for it. Our culture can't stop squabbling for those golden apples. Turn on the news, it's most of what you see. Somewhere, Eris is snickering to herself.

There's a little western Zen parable there. The Buddha says that suffering comes from desire. But if you can enjoy things without being attached to them (and avoid things without fearing them), you won't be as likely to enter batshit feral grabass territory when you see the golden apple. Eris is like a trickster Buddha, rolling apples and watching the show (BTW, I know firsthand that Eris rides bikes with Lao Tzu). And I like that because Buddha isn't a god, he's a symbol that even us shitty mortals can find Nirvana. And Eris is a symbol too. For what, that's up to you.