Suddenly, there was a loud obnoxious yodeling noise from the other room. Nopants gritted his teeth. The yodeling got louder. Nopants tried to ignore it as his grip tightened on his fork and knife. Apparently Golden Rod was walking around the monastery, practicing his thunder-yodels.

Bung Fu The Fool sensed that Nopants was about to flip his shit and said, “Let me handle this.”

Bung Fu jumped out from behind a bush and surprised Golden Rod. “Hey you fuckstick! Master Nopants is trying to eat his fucking waffle in peace and you keep bunging it up with your asshole yodeling.”

Golden Rod was full of it this morning. He hissed back: “Listen you sycophantic douche canoe, I am an enlightened master so I can do whatever I fucking want. I’m sick of your fascist tyrant authoritarian facist whining like ehh ehh none of us would know what to do if you didn’t crack the ass whip up all of our asses all the time, so listen up: If I want to yodel, I can do it. If I want to keep my fucking PISS IN A JAR, I can do that too. And if I want to bust my throat by yodeling so hard MY EYEBALLS BULGE OUT MY SKULL, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY BECAUSE THESE EYES ARE MADE FOR BULGING AND THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY’LL DO—-”

Bung Fu said, “I’m just saying—”, but Golden Rod cut him off “—AND ONE OF THESE DAYS I’M GONNA BULGE ALL OVER YOU.”

That was it for Bung Fu, he hated being yelled at and even more, he hated Nancy Sinatra. He sneered and made a stupid face and shouted back in a sarcastic tone, “OHH I DIDN’T REALIZE THAT BEING AN ENLIGHTENED MASTER MEANS HAVING NO FUCKING REGARD FOR ANYBODY ELSE AND SPAGGING AROUND THE MONASTERY GOING EHH EHH LOOK AT HOW GREAT MY YODELING IS, GIVE ME A YODELING AWARD MADE OF PISS SO I CAN KEEP IT IN A JAR AND WALK AROUND LIKE I’M BETTER THAN EVERYBODY EXCEPT I ACTUALLY HAVE A PISS JAR ON MY PERSON AND I WANT TO SHOW IT TO EVERYBODY LIKE THEY’RE PICTURES OF MY UGLY BABY AND NOBODY GIVES A FUCK BUT I KEEP SHOWING THEM OFF GOING OOOH LOOK AT HOW CUTE MY BABY IS ISN’T HE PRECIOUS HE’S THE CUTEST BABY IN THE WORLD — EXCEPT PEOPLE REALLY THINK YOUR GODDAMN BABY LOOKS LIKE AN OLD MONSTER TRUCK TIRE THAT JUST ROLLED THROUGH A SHITSTACK OF ROADKILL WITH SHIT COMING OUT OF IT AND THEN STOPPED IN A PUDDLE OF COLD DOG JIZZ. WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT AWFUL BABY HAS HIS FATHER’S EYES, THEY’RE REALLY SAYING HE LOOKS LIKE A SMEGGY PSYCHOPATH WITH BUTTHOLES WHERE HIS EYES SHOULD BE AND THEY’RE SHITTING, CONSTANTLY SHITTING.”

“I don’t understand,” said Golden Rod.

“I’M SAYING PUT A DIAPER ON THAT BABY’S FACE, ASS TURBAN.”

Golden Rod punched out a lamp and shouted, “YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS TO OFFEND ME HAVE BACKFIRED AND NOW I’M HORNY AS FUCK SO I’M GOING TO CALL UP YOUR MOTHER, WHOM I HAVE ON SPEED DIAL, AND TELL HER TO ORDER A PIZZA PIE BECAUSE I’M COMING OVER AND I’M GONNA FUCK HER IN THE FAT ASS, THEN EAT THE WHOLE PIZZA IN FRONT OF HER WHILE SHE CRIES AND IF SHE ASKS FOR PIZZA I’M GONNA SAY NO BITCH, YOU’VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH GODDAMN PIZZA ALREADY.”

Bung Fu tore off his shirt and shouted “ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A SPAG NAMED GOLDEN ROD WHO WAS ON HIS WAY TO THE BIG CITY TO MAKE HIS FORTUNE, BUT SUDDENLY HE GOT ELBOW DROPPED,” and with that, Bung Fu leapt onto Golden Rod, elbows first. They began to fight and roll around and scream crap at each other.

Nopants sighed.

The Disorder of the Pineapple

The envelop for The Order of the Pineapple, please. The pineapples go to:

Adam Gorightly and S. John Ross.

Anonymous Lifeforms reporting for The Order of the Pineapple (and Reverend Loveshade)

From Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht.

Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht is now listed in the New York Review of Books!  They list it as Philosophy/Humor, which is more-or-less accurate.  The book’s been listed elsewhere as Educational, New Age, and Personal Development, which are more or less accurate too.  Of course it could also be listed as backup toilet paper.

What book have Robert Anton Wilson (who saw an early draft), Rev. Ivan Stang, R. Crumb, Alan Moore, Sondra London aka The Erisian Elestria, Reverend Jason “Pee Kitty” Levine, Adam Gorightly, Johnny Shellburn, S. John Ross aka Pope Leo and Malaclypse the Younger aka Greg Hill (who never saw the whole book but read some selections) and others been talking about?  Feel free to find out!

You can see comments by the above, preview it or buy it at Amazon.  Or even better you can buy it at discordia.loveshade.org/store.

What’s that?  You don’t believe the New York Review of Books would actually list an independent Discordian tome?  Check http://assets.nybooks.com/media/ipl/independents.pdf  (Note this pdf may change with time).

Are You a Contributor?

You can still get an additional discount on the already discounted $20.00 $15.00 cover price but you’ll need to respond by 18 January 2013 date extended to 14 February 2013. Send an email identifying yourself to edcheap@loveshade.org by then and see yourself in print!

(Note: we’d give contributors one for free but we can’t get the books free either! Something about the book’s publisher Anaphora Literary Press wanting to make money or something).

One of these World Naked Bike Ride celebrants is an offspring of one of the original Ek-sen-triks. Original image by AlexaWooga with art by A. L. is under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License and/or the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 (your choice of usage).

Anonymous Lifeforms reporting for Reverend Loveshade

I have a blog where I post art that I made from porn and other found images. It’s kind of psychedelic, but not in an ironic way.

I’m still a directionless, zenned-out loser with no friends, living with his parents, and masturbating relentlessly, but I’m learning to stop judging myself and love who I am. This may be counter-productive, though what I intend on producing is beyond me (and wasting a lot of tissues).

My main Discordian projects have been trying not to obsess about becoming Joss Whedon, watching Gossip Girl, walking to stores and then not buying anything, finding out how long I can live like a hippy off of the good-will of my family, and struggling to achieve the coveted 23 chin-ups in a single set. I’ve managed to cease all magical attempts, almost care about any character besides Michelle Trachtenberg, 5 miles, 32 years, and 11 reps. Though some days, I still play the slide show.

Oh, and I recently found two original paintings by George M. Royer in the garbage and brought them home. I don’t know why; they belonged there. He should stick to pulling teeth.

I started a crazy tumblr blog which is crammed up with dumb images - http://cramulus.tumblr.com/ – most of the content is absurd stuff I’ve collected from the web over the last six or seven years. It was a pleasant suprise to discover there are actually a lot of Discordians on tumblr.

I’ve got a small facebook group for Discordians which is very low key.  In 2013 we’re going to leave 2011 behind and switch to a new group.  This isn’t meant to be a big thing, just a place to come hang out with other spags and not really sweat things. I mean christ, it’s facebook, communication there is dumb as hell by default. I’m trying to do the “Discordian Society” thing on easy mode – no pressure to contribute, no group identity, no consensus.  Low drama. Sticking apart. So if the groups seem fluffy and unimportant and that nothing of value will emerge from there, good, that’s the point. It’s obligation free for all.

My main Discordian project has been Fractal Cult. This is a creative-output-focused group of about 20 Discordians. New members welcome. Check out our group blag: http://fractalcult.tumblr.com/ – the kernel idea (the Fractal as the flag for the cosmos) is something that’s been kicking around my head for a few years. I am now exploring it in more depth. We also have a nasty recipe for kool aid which I think everybody will love.