So you are a Discordian? The first step is to admit to yourself youíre a Discordian. I can't tell you the second through fourth steps; that would be cheating. But the third step, according to me at least, is to put together your Discordian Code! No matter what anyone says, Discordians are people too (well, most of us).
Using this Discordian Code will allow you to let other Discordians know who you are in a simple (kinda) statement.
The single best way to publicize your code is to add it to your signature file or plan and announce it far and wide, or even close and narrow, doesn't really matter. So, without further ado, here's the Code. Oh, and you should tell other Discordians about this too, if it's a good idea it will catch on, if not it won't.
(stolen with only small changes from Geek code; if it ain't broke etc.)
The Discordian Code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these together, you are able to construct your overall Discordian code. It is this single line of code that will inform other Discordians the world over of what a great Discordian you actually are.
Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly. It is impossible to cover all possibilities in each category. Simply choose that qualifier that most closely matches you, or you can make up your own, after all you're a Discordian aren't you? Each description of each qualifier describes the wide range of activities that apply, so as long as you match with one, you can probably use that qualifier. Add symbols, whatever, but it would be really neat if you sent said changes to me so that I can add them on, or tell you that you're a moron, as the case may be.
After you have determined each of your qualifiers, you need to the construct your Discordian Code Block. Instructions are provided on how to do this towards the end of this file.
Discordians can't be strictly quantified, ever; if we could we wouldn't be Discordians. To facilitate the fact that within any one category a Discordian may not be able to determine a specific rating, variables have been designed to allow this range to be included. If, as many of you I'm sure will, you fall outside that range, make an educated guess, or just put something in that makes sense, or nonsense, or is just funny. Hell, do I need to hold your hand?
for this variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or with individual interaction.
For indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Discordians who go from C+ to C--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "C+") could use C+(---). @ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the category, while @ ranges all over.
For 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the Discordian is currently at one rating, they are striving to reach another. For example, Comp+>$ indicating a Discordian that is currently computer savvy, but wants to someday make money at it.
Indicates that this particular category is done for a living, or has to do with money.
Unless stated otherwise within the specific category, the ? is placed after the category identifier and indicates that the Discordian has no knowledge about that specific category. For example, a person that has never even heard of Babylon 5, would list their Babylon 5 category as 5?
Placed BEFORE the category. Unless stated otherwise, indicates that the person refuses to participate in this category. This is unlike the ? variable as the ? indicates lack of knowledge, while the ! indicates stubborn refusal to participate.
Types of Discordians
Discordian come in many flavors. But since we arenít going to eat them, we should be more concerned about the various species of Discordians. To start a code, a Discordian must declare himself or herself or itself to be a Discordian. To do this, we start the code with a "D" to denote "DISCORDIAN", followed by one or two letters to denote the Discordian's species. Hybrid Discordians should denote their various types with a slash between each specie (example: DAT/D?/D!/!D).
DLU = Lurker. A Discordian voyeur, this is not very common as lurkers rarely speak or do much of anything except watch.
!D = Non-Discordian. Iím not sure why a non-Discordian would have a Discordian Code, but Iím trying to be all-inclusive.
DBOB = A Subgenius posing as a Discordian.
DAN = An anarchist Discordian, given to political action.
DPROF = Either a Professor of Discordianism, or a Discordian for profit.
DOT = Discordian Old Timer. Someone who has been around for EVER.
DADA = Those really surrealist types. Sometimes called ďrutabagaĒ Discordians.
D- = The highest grade I got in high school.
DCM = Discordian of Chaos Magick (or Magic, Magik, Majix, etcÖ)
DIT = An Internet Discordian. Someone who is only Discordian when they are at the computer.
DFM = A famous or infamous Discordian, not many of them but what the heck. And you better be REALLY famous.
DED = A Dead Discordian who canít spell.
DPH = A philosophical or intellectual Discordian.
DPA = Pagan Discordian.
DO = Discordian of Other. Some types of Discordians deviate from the normal Discordian activities. This is encouraged as true Discordians come from all walks of life.
DU = Discordian of Unemployed.
D! = Discordian of no qualifications. A rather miserable existence, you would think, though a rather popular one.
DAT = Discordian of All Trades, for those Discordians that can do anything and everything. DAT usually precludes the use of other descriptors.
They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. They lie.
How we look has little to do with what we are inside, and who we are as people. Yet, people still want to know what we look like. Thus, this section allows you to list out all the relevant traits about what you look like on a(n) (ab)normal Discordian day.
c+++++ = I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit or worse, a tie.
c++++ = Good leisure-wear. Slacks, button-shirt, etc. No jeans, tennis shoes, or t-shirts.
c+++ = I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring, without life or meaning.
c++ = I'm usually in jeans and a t-shirt.
c+ = My t-shirts are torn, have weird logos and cartoons on them.
c = I wear clothes.
c- = I wear whatever was closest in my closet/floor when I got up.
c-- = I wear clothes that jingle, with tons of metal, I have at least two tattoos, and my hair is downright frightening.
c--- = My clothes almost defy description, and they are made of really odd materials.
c---- = I wear food.
cx = Cross Dresser
c? = I donít know, could you repeat the question?
!c = I donít wear clothes.
c* = I wear a uniform of some kind
Discordians come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts. The first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each section to fit yourself. Feel free to lie shamelessly as Discordian as a whole arenít that superificial. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.
s+++:+++ = I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie seats.
s++:++ = I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
s+:+ = I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
s: = I'm an average Discordian
s-:- = I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few pounds.
s--:-- = I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight against a strong breeze.
s---:--- = I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat dinner. My bones are poking through my skin.
s! = I donít actually have any shape or size.
s? = I donít know what my shape or size is, do you know where thereís a mirror?
s* = I donít have a very normal shape/Iím not human.
Your age is an important part of who you are. Use the qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran, human years). Also, for you math geeks, please use BASE 10 numbers.
a+++ = 60 and up
a++ = 50-59
a+ = 40-49
a = 30-39
a- = 25-29
a-- = 20-24
a--- = 15-19
a---- = 10-14
a----- = 9 and under (Discordian in training?)
a! = I donít actually have an age.
A* = Iím immortal, or really really old.
!a = Iím not telling you how old I am.
In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the number after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42
Most modern Discordians have some exposure to computers; many are in computer-based professions or use computers more then most people. This category represents general computer use/aptitude.
Comp+++ = I am a computer god, no-one can stop me from doing anything, as long as it involves a computer.
Comp++ = I am very proficient, I work with computers for a living.
Comp+ = I have a website(s), post on various newsgroups and their ilk, and am decent with a computer.
Comp = I have a computer and use it regularly, but donít invest much time in learning about it.
Comp- = I can type, more or less.
Comp-- = I figured out how to turn this on, but I just canít find my any key.
Comp--- = Iím viewing this as a printout that someone else printed for me.
Many, if not most, Discordians have strong sociopolitical views. These views vary widely, but there donít seem to be many strongly right-wing Discordians for some reason.
P+++ = Iím an anarchist, get rid of all laws, I donít want ANYBODY telling me what to do, not even myself.
P++ = Legalize all victimless crimes, downsize Government and the Military, stay out of every other countryís business, and let people have sex in the streets.
P(SEX) = I just want the sex in the street part.
P+ = More programs to help unfortunate people out, legalize abortion and maybe drugs, lower taxes, and no death penalty.
P = As long as nothing affects me badly, Iíll be fine with the way things are.
P- = We need tougher government to crack down on all those drug-pushers and baby-killers.
P-- = I run/am in a militia group, stay of my land you hippie.
P--- = Iím only reading this because someone told me this is where I could find the Nazi Partyís secret webpage. When we come to power, all Discordians will be rounded up and sent to Antarctica.
Discordians tend to be a broke bunch, but we are rich in opinion.
E+++ = Abolish antitrust legislation. Raise taxes on everyone but the rich so that the money can trickle-down to the masses.
E++ = Keep the government off the backs of businesses. Deregulate as much as possible.
E+ = Balance the budget with spending cuts and an amendment.
E = Distrust both government and business.
E- = It's ok to increase government spending, so we can help more poor people. Tax the rich! Cut the defense budget!
E-- = Capitalism is evil! Government should provide the services we really need. Nobody should be rich.
Discordians love to play. Of course, the object of this entertainment takes a myriad of different forms. Thereís Sink, Mornington Crescent, Cook-note Fiberglass, all sorts.
F++ = Iím a fun-loving, wild and crazy guy. Games, movies, events, whatever, Iím there and in the center making the loudest noise.
F+ = Iím not always the most gung-ho, but I always seem to be having fun.
F = I enjoy having fun, but there is a time to be serious too.
F- = Iím bored a lot and donít go out much.
F--- = Iím the most boring person on the planet, nothing excites me at all.
Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of the Discordian life. Because Discordians often become so involved in their role-playing that they lose what little touch with reality they have, include one of the following role-playing codes.
R+++ = I've written and published my own gaming materials.
R++ = There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of piddly rules of (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare the rest of the players.
R+ = I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I know better than I know myself.
R = Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a Saturday afternoon
R- = Gosh, what an utter waste of time!
R-- = Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.
R* = I thought life WAS role-playing?
Many Discordians have lives that revolve around television.
tv+++ = There's nothing I can experience "out there" that I can't see coming over my satellite dish. I wish there were MORE then my current 235 channels. I loved the O.J. Trial.
tv++ = I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't miss anything.
tv+ = I watch some tv every day.
tv = I watch only the shows that are actually worthwhile, maybe only a few hours a week.
tv- = I watch tv for the news and 'special programming.'
tv-- = I turn my tv on during natural disasters.
!tv = I do not own a television.
In addition (or maybe on the other hand), many Discordians have lives that revolve around books.
b++++ = I read a book a day. I have library cards in three states. I have discount cards from every major bookstore. I've ordered books from another country to get my Favorite Author Fix.
b+++ = I consume a few books a week as part of a staple diet.
b++ = I find the time to get through at least one new book a month.
b+ = I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very often.
b = I read the newspaper and the occasional book.
b- = I read when there is no other way to get the information.
b-- = I did not actually READ the Discordian code, I just had someone tell me.
These are codes for specific interests and hobbies, insert any that apply, leave the rest out. Create your own! Email me with additions and Iíll add it to the list.
OM(number 1-10) = Interest and participation in Jakes/Mindfucks.
FILK(1-10) = Interest in Filk music (if you donít know what this is forget it).
CON(1-10) = Conventions, Sci-fi, Discordian Cons, those Pagan Thingies, whatever.
SF(1-10) = Not just books, Sci-Fi in general.
PHI(1-10) = Either interest in Philosophy or in Donahue, take your pick.
Discordian opinion seems varied on his relative worth.
RAW++ = I love RAW, Iíve read everything heís ever written, heard him speak, and once propositioned him.
RAW+ = I like RAW, heís very Discordian and I really enjoy his stuff.
RAW = I read the Illuminatus Trilogy and liked it, itís what got me into Discordianism, but I donít think heís the be-all and end-all of what it is to be Discordian.
RAW- = I think RAW hurt Discordianism more then he helped it and I dislike him.
RAW-- = RAW is repetitive and dull and I don't understand what people see in him.
RAW--- = RAW is the anti-Eris.
DC+++++ = I am Mark D. Carabas (no imposters please, Iím fairly certain I know who is and isnít me)
DC++++ = I have made a suggestion for future versions of the Code (note that making a suggestion just to get a DC++++ rating doesn't count, you also have to at least qualify for a DC+++ rating)
DC+++ = I have memorized the entire Discordian code, and can decode others' codes in my head. I think itís a great idea.
DC++ = I know what each letter means, but sometimes have to look up the specifics. I think itís pretty cool.
DC+ = I like the code, but donít always decode other peoples code block. My code block comes right after my Holy Name.
DC = I know what the Discordian code is and even did up this code. I sometimes put it in my sig.
DC- = What a tremendous waste of time this Discordian Code is, itís totally non-Erisian and I donít care for it.
DC-- = Not only a waste of time, but Mark Carabas is now my mortal enemy for creating this blasted thing.
Discordians, the ones who arenít dead at least, have lives. They have things to do that are in the outside world. This is usually done with other Discordians or Discordian-like peoples, but not always. Some of us even have to work.
All Discordians have a varying amount of education.
e+++++ = I am Stephen Hawking
e++++ = Managed to get my Ph.D.
e+++ = Got a Masters degree
e++ = Got a Bachelors degree
e+ = Got an Associates degree
e = Finished High School
e- = Haven't finished High School
e-- = Haven't even entered High School
e* = I learned everything there is to know about life from the "Hitchhiker's Trilogy".
Tell us about your Discordian home.
h++ = My house has the sacred chao as a rug, pictures from the Principa Discordia are all over the place, and itís hard to find a seat because of all my junk.
h+ = Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk about Discordian things. There is a place for them to sit.
h = Living with one or more Discordians or Discordianish people.
h- = Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a Discordian and refuse to play Sink or Cook-note Fiberglass.
h-- = Married, (persons living romantically with someone might as well label themselves h---, you're as good as there already.)
h--- = Married with children, and no Christina Applegate in sight. (Sigh)
h! = I am stuck living with my parents!
!h = I'm not sure where I live, homeless, or live in a really bad place.
While many Discordians are highly successful at having relationships, a good many more are not.
r+++ = Found someone, dated, and am now married.
r++ = I've dated my current S.O. for a long time.
r+ = I date frequently, bouncing from one relationship to another.
r = I date periodically.
r- = I have difficulty maintaining a relationship.
r-- = People just aren't interested in dating me.
r--- = I'm beginning to think that I'm a leper or something, the way people avoid me like the plague.
r---> = Want to go out with me?
!r = I've never had a relationship.
r% = I was going out with someone, but the asshole dumped me.
Discordians tend to be fixated on sex, whether this is from too much or not enough is up for debate.
This code also is used to denote the gender of the Discordian. Females use 'x' in this category, while males use 'y'. Those that do not wish to disclose their gender can use 'z'. For example:
x+ -- A female who has had sex
y+ -- A male who has had sex.
z+ -- A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.
g+ -- A lawn gnome who has had sex.
For those persons who do not wish to give out any details of their sex life, the use of z? (where z is thegender code) will allow you to do so.
z+++ = I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically) whenever I want.
z++ = I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that might have come from though.
z+ = I've had real, live sex.
z = I've had sex, I think.
z- = Not having sex by choice.
z-- = Not having sex because I just can't get any...
z* = I'm a pervert.
ZDP = I create Discordian Porn involving lawn gnomes and hedgehogs.
!z = Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.
z? = It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this is used to denote your gender only).
!z+ = Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to learn!
z---> = Will you have sex with me?
Z$ = Iím a prostitute/Will pay for sex
How to Display Your Code
Now that you have your ratings for each of the above categories, it's time to assemble your code for displaying to the world. Take each category you determined and list them all together with one space between each one. If you run out space on one line, continue it on the next. When completed, it will look something like the following:
DPH/DU/DAT C++@ S:S- a19 Comp+ P++ E++ F+(F) R tv@ B+++ RAW DC+++++ e h- r !y+(y--->)
If you would like to put your homepage in there, Iíd say throw it in at the end.
If you are going to place your Discordian Code into your .signature or .plan file (highly recommended), you should create your DISCORDIAN CODE BLOCK. This is taken from the Geek Code, which was a parody of the output created by the PGP program, and will attempt to universalize (not really) how you will see the Discordian Code around the net. Your DISCORDIAN CODE BLOCK might look like the following:
-----BEGIN DISCORDIAN CODE BLOCK-----
DPH/DU/DAT C++@ S:S- a19 Comp+ P++ E++ F+(F) R tv@ B+++ JAKE(9) FILK(5) !CON SCIFI(8) PHIL(8) RAW DC+++++ e h- r !y+(y--->) WEBďwww.nohomepage.comĒ
------END DISCORDIAN CODE BLOCK------
Or like the following by Prince Mu-Chao:
"NAIDROCSID KOAD ----- Episode 1.0
@(!DAT c-/cx/!c s* A* Comp++ P+++ E F++ R* tv b+++ RAW DC++++ e* h r+ y**)" - Ambrose Bierce
Or completely reversed, side-ways, whatever, youíre supposedly a Discordian ainít ya? You can think something up, I donít have to do EVERYTHING for you. Just so people have some sort of idea what in Thud you are talking about, Iíd suggest leaving the actual Code part the same.
All rights reversed. Reprint what you like, just please give me credit where itís due. It would be nice if you told me about what you did with the code and any changes as well.