When Our Lady did roll her toy, The apple of chaotic joy, Paris did choose The prettiest flooze. In nutshell, the battle of Troy. But her deeds are most terrific, The volume of work specific. Penned only by fools Who follow no rules; It's nothing short of prolific. So here I will tell a story Of a time ancient and hoary - When Eris confined And blindly maligned St. Droopy in all her glory. St. Droopy, a hippie outsider After a bite from a spider Eris beholden - She shat apples golden! And thrice would even piss cider! It was then that Eris heard It was Droopy that Thetis preferred. She did not come to The wedding ado And developed a plan most absurd. In case you haven't yet guessed, Eris came a-wholly possessed With making a tool From Droopy's fresh stool To cause Chaos once it was blessed! She chained Droopy up to a wall In Castle Chaos' front hall And said with a whoop "Ready your poop! I'll teach them once'n for all!" Those without originality Claim the Apples of Immortality Were what Eris uses To set off the fuses. But we don't ascribe that banality. We mostly continue to think The Saint forged that chaotic link Between Eris and Troy With that golden decoy Though never is mentioned the stink!
Archive of posts tagged Discordian Literature
A Discordian Hymnerick
The Scripture of Hung Mung
From Zhuangzi, chapter 11, section 4
This being the Official Discordian Edition which has been cribbed together from various existing translations that were lying around the internet, so you can be assured of its genuine accuracy and mystic import.
When Yun Jiang (Cloud General) was traveling east, having been borne along on a gentle breeze, he passed through the branches of a magic tree and came upon Hung Mung (Silly Goose). The latter was rambling about, slapping his buttocks and hopping like a bird. Amazed at the sight, Yun Jiang stopped like one lost and stood still, saying, “Hey, old man, who are you? What are you doing, old man?”
Hung Mung, without interrupting his slapping and hopping, replied to Yun Jiang, “I am enjoying myself.”
Yun Jiang said, “I have a very sincere question to ask you.”
Hung Mung, for the first time raising his head and looking at Yun Jiang, said, “Uh oh!”
Yun Jiang, however, continued: “The essence of heaven is out of harmony; the essence of the earth is constricted; the elemental influences do not act in concord; the seasons do not observe their proper times. I desire to blend the essence of the influences and nourish all living beings. Do you know how that can be done?”
Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head, saying, “I do not know; I do not know!”
So Yun Jiang got no answer. Three years later, he was again traveling to the east and, as he was passing by the wilds of Sung, he happened to come across Hung Mung. Delighted, he hurried to catch up and said, “Have you forgotten me, O Heaven? Have you forgotten me, O Heaven?” Bowing deeply to the ground, he showed his desire to learn more from Hung Mung.
Hung Mung said, “I just flit about and don’t know what I’m looking for. Like a dog who wanders from place to place, I don’t know where I’ve been. Being one who just skips about slapping the soles of my shoes on the ground, I merely observe and view the sights of Undeception. What could I possibly know?”
Yun Jiang replied, “I also seem carried on by an aimless influence, but people still follow me around as though I’m actually going someplace. I cannot escape the people and what I do they imitate. I wish you’d share with me at least one word of advice.”
“That the scheme of heaven is in confusion,” said Hung Mung, “that the nature of things is hidden, that the will of the Dark Heaven is not accomplished, that the beasts of the field are scattered, that the birds of the air cry at night, that blight strikes the trees and herbs, that destruction spreads among the creeping things, — this, alas! is the fault of those who would rule others.”
“Okay,” said Yun Jiang, “but then what shall I do?”
Hung Mung said, “Oh! Keep quiet and go home.”
“It has been difficult to meet with you,” said Yun Jiang. “I should like to hear from you a word more.”
“In that case, nourish your heart,” Said Hung Mung. “Take the position of doing nothing and things will of themselves become transformed. Forget your body and spit forth intelligence. Cast out from you your power of hearing and sight. Forget what you have in common with things and you may cultivate a similarity with the fundamental Chaos. Forget your mind and spirit, be soulless. Of all the multitude of things every one returns to its root, but they do not know why. This is chaos, but if you try to know it then you have already left it. Do not ask its name and do not seek to learn it’s nature, and all things will live of themselves.”
Yun Jiang said, “You have favored me with this teaching. Now I must ponder, and perhaps I will understand.” With that, he bowed deeply and left.
Apocrypha Discordia
Dr. Jon Swabey’s 100 pages of culled Discordia.
This is the Second Edition of the Apocrypha Discordia. The first is a rare volume that is dearly prized by those that have a copy.
This is available here in PDF. If you do a quick search on google, you may find that you can purchase a dead tree version of this now!
Download Apocrypha Discordia, 2nd Ed (PDF, 1.13MB)
The Principia Discordia
Like any good Discordian Cult, we have spend considerable amounts of time anally formatting several revisions of the original Principia Discordia.
Principia Discordia (HTML)
Principia Discordia (PDF – 9.4MB)
Principia Discordia (ZIP DOC – 2.9MB)
In addition, Mungo shared with me some scans of the 3rd edition (of 500 copies whomped together in Tampa in 1969). They are hard to read, but are included here in case any of you Discordian Historians are interested.
We also did a few new revisions of the Principia with all new material. They aren’t our best work, but you may find a few gems in there:
Principia Discordia version 23.5 (HTML)
Principia Discordia version 23.5 (ZIP pdf, 801k)
Principia Discordia version 17 (HTML)
Principia Discordia version 17 (ZIP pdf, 605k)
The Gwydion Bible
Introduction
I debated subtitling these, editing them for spelling, and maybe even adding comments, but resisted the impulse. The only thing such heinous acts of comprehension would do is ruin the pure magic of the Prophet’s statements. Thus, my editorial duties consisted merely of choosing which quotes of Gwyd’s to include and which section to include them under. All spelling and punctuation is the Prophet’s own and was undoubtedly done on purpose and with full malice of forethought. In places where it looks like the quote was taken out of context, well, it looked that way to us too when we first saw it. Good Luck.
The Book of Fizzix and other Purported Sciences
U got me thinking of Schrodingers Cat.
If U locke a cat in a box and poison it
the cat will be alive and dead at the same time!
I like chemistry better, because of the colloured liquids inside of the little bottles!
it is scientificly proven that people with blue eyes are stuppider, because the light penetrares more into their eyes, and it dammages theyr brain!
For the next five minutes I will belive in evolutionism!
I’m not your mother, I can’t be, I have the wrong plumbing.
I think that carl sagan is a little bit arrogant!
I am totally unhable to catch moving objects…
specially when they are moving towards me!
does anyone know an hallucinogen that leaves youin a state where you do not move!
how come energy possesses inteligence?
My father can’t lol
why are the houses in the US made out of wood?
they could be made of bricks, cimment and or stone!
they would last longer, and they wouldn’t burn as much!
SO was that guy in the university of Bagdad, who just about 1000 years before, said that if you could crack an atom, you could use the power to destroy
Do you know why don’t ostrichs fly?
Because it would be a pain if they shited on you!
ok…
the moon has just disaperared…
the 5th dimension is 0
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